NFL WEEK 5 ROUNDUP

Cleveland Browns (1-4)……………6
Buffalo Bills (1-4)……………………3
The Cleveland Browns won a game! They’ve lost their last 10 in a row, but managed to pull one out on Sunday. Thank God. But it was not a pretty win, with no touchdowns being scored. The player of the game goes to the Browns’ punter, Dave Zastudil, who landed 7 of his 9 punts inside the Bills 20 yard-line.

Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2)…………28
Detroit Lions (1-4)………………….20
Ben Roethlisberger threw 3 TD passes and Pittsburgh’s defense was good enough to keep the the Lions out of the endzone while they were threatening to score late in the 4th quarter. Steelers linebacker James Harrison had 3 of Pittsburgh’s 7 total sacks.

Dallas Cowboys (3-2)……………..26
Kansas City Chiefs (0-5)………….20 (OT)
Just when it looked like the Chefs (sic) had a chance at winning their first game this season, the Cowboys crushed their hopes Miles Austin made his first NFL career start, filling in for injured Dallas wide receiver Roy Williams, and had the game of his life. Austin caught 10 passes for a franchise-record 250 yards. The Chefs thought the game was over after the 4th, and just didn’t want to move the ball anymore, giving it back to the Cowboys after only a few downs and letting them score so everyone could go home and drink coco.

Minnesota Vikings (5-0)…………38
St. Louis Rams (0-5)………………10
This has been a terrible month for Missouri sports teams. I’m sure if we had a basketball team they’d be stinking it up in the pre-season just to fit in. The Rams wore the same jerseys they wore when they won the Super Bowl in 1999. I guess they wanted to help remind their fans further that they totally suck. A 40-year-old Brett Favre (sporting pink cleats) led the Vikings to their 5th win this season, throwing for 232 yards and 1 TD a day after cresting the proverbial hill. This is the first time Favre has had a 5-0 record in his long career.

Oakland Raiders (1-4)………………7
New York Giants (5-0)…………….44
Not much to say about this one…Eli Manning and the Giants offense scored 3 TDs by the beginning of the 2nd quarter, and by the middle of the 2nd quarter, Tom Coughlin felt comfortable enough to take the still-injured Manning out and put David Carr in, who performed very well, even though it was against the laughable Raiders. It looked like they were playing a high school team. Did anyone even watch the 2nd half of this game? JaMarcus Russell lossed 3 fumbles and overall just looked confused and scared on the field. Russell was sacked 6 times and could only produce 124 yards of total offense.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-5)…….14
Philadelphia Eagles (3-1)………….33
McNabb returned in his first start since recovering from a broken rib in Week 1, and didn’t look rusty at all with 264 passing yards and 3 TDs, finishing with an overall QB rating of 157.2, the 2nd highest in his career. The Eagles had a large enough lead in the 4th quarter for Andy Reid to put Michael Vick in the game, who threw his first completion in 33 months.

Washington Redskins (2-3)………17
Carolina Panthers (1-3)……………20
Jake Delhomme and the Panthers finally got a win today, and Carolina fans briefly forgot that they’re quarterback has thrown 8 interceptions this season. Delhomme has only 3 TDs this season, but this could be the game that brings their season back to life. The Redskins lost to the Lions earlier this season, giving them their first win in almost 2 years, and then lose to the Panthers who were previously winless as well.

Cincinnati Bengals (4-1)…………..17
Baltimore Ravens (3-2)……………14
The Bengals had a huge win over the Ravens on Sunday. Cincinnati RB Cedric Benson rushed for 120 yards, the first time a player has run more than 100 yards against the Ravens defense in 40 games. The Ravens had a total of 10 penalties for 76 yards, 3 of which helped the Bengals keep their last drive alive. Carson Palmer threw a 20-yard TD pass to Andre Caldwell to take the lead with 22 seconds left to play. All 5 of Cincinnati’s games this season have been decided by a margin of 7 points or less.

Atlanta Falcons (3-1)………………..45
San Francisco 49ers (3-2)…………10
The 49ers completely fell apart this week. Even coach Mike Singletary, who got into an on-field spat in the 3rd quarter with Atlanta offensive lineman (and former 49er) Harvey Dahl, looked bad in this loss. The biggest highlight from this game is also on the blooper real. SanFran’s Dre’ Bly intercepted a Matt Ryan pass at the San Francisco 10 yard-line in the 3rd quarter, and began celebrating as he ran the ball towards the endzone, but was caught from behind by an unseen Atlanta player causing Bly to fumble the ball. Atlanta recovered. Bly looks like an asshole.

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-3)…………..0
Seattle Seawhawks (2-3)…………..41
The best highlight from this game came before the game even started, when Seattle fullback Owen Schmidt smashed his own helmet into his own forehead in an effort to pump himself up, causing blood to flow all over his face. Kind of awesome, and kind of stupid at the same time.

Houston Texans (2-3)……………….21
Arizona Cardinals (2-2)…………….28
It was all Arizona in the 1st half, and all Houston in the 2nd. The Cardinals scored 3 TDs to lead the Texans 21-0 at the half, but the Texans came back, scoring 1 TD in the 3rd quarter and 2 in the 4th, to tie the game with 7 minutes left to play. With 2:20 left in the game and the Texans threatening to take the lead, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie intercepted a pass and ran it back 49 yards for a TD to take the lead and win the game.

New England Patriots (3-2)…………17
Denver Broncos (5-0)…………………20 (OT)
This was a tough loss for the Pats, but what a great game. Denver was down 17-10 going into the 4th quarter, but QB Kyle Orton lead a great drive down-field to tie the game with 5:21 left to play. Neither team could get anything else going in regulation, and the Pats lost the coin toss, giving Denver the first OT possession, who were able to drive into FG range and win it with a 41 yard kick.

Indianapolis Colts (5-0)………………31
Tennessee Titans (0-5)………………..9
Peyton Manning added to his already-amazing stats with 309 passing yards and 3 TDs. Manning joined NFL greats Kurt Warner and Steve Young as the only QBs to throw for at least 300 yards in their first 5 games games of a season. Tennessee lost their 7th game in a row, dating back to last season.

New York Jets (3-2)……………………27
Miami Dolphins (2-3)………………….31
What a great game! I thought this was going to be a real snoozer, but the Chad Henne and the Dolphins offense surprised everyone with their dramatic win at the end of the 4th quarter. Mark Sanchez looked really good for the Jets too, with a couple huge completions to newly acquired Braylon Edwards. And Ricky Williams is always impressive, so fast, so strong.